Letting Go
I'm 32 years old, a mother and in the middle of a divorce. Got married at 19 to a person who was nine years older then me. We started a family quick and I did a lot of growing up. Like all marriages, mines had ups and downs. Unfortunately for me there were many more downs. Our daughters were the only good factor from our marriage. After 10 years of trying to conform to what he needed and wanted me to be.....I CRACKED. I became his machine. I no longer did things for him because i wanted too but because i knew he expected me too. I gave him more then I received in return and my solution was to continue to live a lie. I was not happy with my marriage and most importantly who I became. I saw no way out.
I was faced with some life changing decisions and in an act of desperation I choose too be happy. My actions to obtain my own happiness was selfish and unfortunately effected others but i don't regret my choice. It's been 8 months since my separation and I've been the happiest since. I deactivated my Facebook account and was off the "FB grid" for a while. I've started this blog to record and share the start of my new life in turn to hopefully let go of my past.
Kapolanialaimaka Kealoha is the reason why I've opened my heart and decided to believe in love again. We've known each other for about two years and I'm proud too say he is the love of my life. It was not love at first sight. When we met "falling in love" was far from my mind, yet i knew we were introduced for a deeper purpose. He may come across to those who first meet him as a strong willed, ambitious and at times a wise ass but I've found that Kapo does have a softer, loving and sensitive side. The best part and one of my favorite traits about him is that even though he works hard and pushes for perfection in his profession he still is a kid at heart. HOLY CRAP!!! Do you know how awesome that is for me??!! I love that at random times when our conversation may lead to a disagreement I get a *raspberry sound* from him which immediately is followed by the biggest ear too ear grind.(If you have kids or when you were young, have ever been caught red handed doing something naughty YOU know which grind I'm referring too.) I love that one of his favorite comfort foods is Mac n Cheese and grilled cheese sandwiches even though he's developed a palate for a vast array of multiple cuisines. I believe he has changed my life for the better and continues to make me laugh, smile and most importantly he hasn't stopped making me HAPPY. 
